Wednesday, May 18, 1994

May 18, 1994

Dear Journal,
Hello, I am going to describe yesterday in better detail.
Well I was in math when Doug called my name. I turned and he told me to come here. I didn't and he asked me what question we were supposed to do on the board. I told him. Then he told me to come here again so I did. Then he asked me if I liked Superchunk. I said "yeah why?" He said "Because I have a couple songs by them. Mover and On the Mouth".
Now all this time I just wanted to die. I kept making sure i wasn't going to faint.
So then I told him what ones I had and he said that they were good so I smiled and he said "Okay thanks for listening" in a joking kind of way. I said "Yup no problem".
Then in English I was giving Holly my zines and he asked me sommething about Superchunk and I gave him their mailorder catalogue. he read it and asked if I had given it to him to keep. I said yes and he said "really?" and I said yeah and he said thanks.
Then someone asked me what the zine was. I said it was my life and he said "Your life?" In the most serious way you could imagine.
It was weird. I thought all this was great but then science was the best class I have ever had.
I came into class and was waiting for the teacher to let me use the washroom. Doug came in an dasked me if I wanted ot hear the Superchunk song. I said "Yearh just a second" and went to the washroom. At the end of class he sked me again and I went over and he gave me the headphones (the machine was still on his belt). I put them on an dhe turned it on. the song was so good. I smiled real hard so that I wouldn't make an idiot of myself and jump up and down.
Anyway while i was listening to the song I couldn't help but think of how much I loved Doug but then someone called him and he took the machine off his belt and handed it to me. That felt so weird because it was like he was giving me his life (to me music is life). So he went back with that guy and they were looking at me while they talked (I wondered what they were talking about). So when he came back the bell rang and I couldn't find the stop button I was so excited. When I gave him back the walkman I asked him what tape that was off of. It was off mower. I said "I'm getting that when I get the money". He said "it's only $10". I said "Yeah but I'm poor". He said "Yeah me too". Then I left because I had to and I haven't seen him since.
He's 17 and I'm only 15 but he was born March 25 and I was born Sept 20th so its really only a year difference.
I really love him but I hope that Jill dosn't go on the field trip on the same day as us because I would rather cut my eyes out than see him with her. It hurts to see him with her. I don't think I could live with it if I had to see them together all day at the beach on our field trip. She doesn't know how lucky she is. I don't like her so I'm not gonna wish I wa her but I wish I was in her place.
I'll really miss Doug if I don't have him love me by the end of the year. I think that I will die. I swear.

Favorite music memory ever. Even better than the time I listened to Billy Idols greatest hits while having sex and it repeated at least 7 times before we got up to turn it off.
Mower. I still don't own it. I should.
I can see now what my problem is. I find something to relate to a guy I like. Instead of using it as an in, and then showing interest in him. I obsess over the thing we are talking about and he never has any idea I'm obsessing over him in my head. *sigh* I'm bad at flirting.

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