Saturday, January 30, 1993

January 30. 1993

Dear Diary,
Hello I still love Brendan Fraser. I watched the movie today again. Also I saw the movie Shout again with James Walters. My 3 only favorite actors are James, Brendan, and Davy. Well I'll go for tonight because I am very, very tired. I'll see ya, bye.

I kept the video store in business I rented that movie so many times. I'm starting to understand why I'm so fucked up today. No one can handle that much Paulie Shore.

Friday, January 29, 1993

January 29, 1993

Dear Diary,
I love Brendan Frazer he's off of Encino Man. He's cool and god is he ever cute. I love his hair, his eyes are blue his hair is red/brown. He has a chin to die for and his body is so cool. Not too much muscle but just enough for the good look and broad shoulders. My show was cancelled. It's pissed me off. I hate networks. Well I have to dream of Brandan Bye.

I only liked Brendan when he looked like a caveman. Now I hate that look.

Thursday, January 28, 1993

January 28, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello Kevin says he'll kill himself if I ever dump him. Thats what Steven told me anyway. Thats a lot of pressure to put on me don't ya think. I do I want to dump Kevin because he used to be considerate now he's mean. He's always putting Jesse down & he never talks to me. I don't think ill ever fall in love but I feel like I am already. Kevin asked me to go to angela s's party with him. I am not going because Angela is a pure bred bitch and I don't like to drink, etc. So I won't go.
I love Glen T. He's a guy I met this summer but I saw him at school yesterday and he was real nice to me. I love him I guess. He's kind of short and he has blond hair and a small nose. Beautiful eyes & a limp in his walk. I love his walk it's cool. It drives me crazy to see him. He has a nice body too.
I have an earring of his from the summer he was here and he changed his earrings and left the old one behind. oh now I love him. I have to go dream of him.

Oh god. So this Glen guy had me hated by the lady who lived behind me. He and I were hanging out in this field beside my house and a neighbor kid came over and started asking us all these annoying questions about whether or not we were in love and dating. So he started telling the kid weird, somewhat dirty answers. He then told the kid to go home and ask him mom what some of these dirty things meant. The kid left. Glen left shortly after and I had forgotten all about the kid, until the mother came flying up to me asking me what kind of filth I was teaching her kid. Embarassed! Ashamed! I could never look that woman in the eye.

Back in the day's when "dream" was code for "create a masturbation fantasy".

Sunday, January 24, 1993

January 24, 1993

Dear Diary,
Hello today I had a dream about Corey and I can't remember it but it made me remember him. I didn't do much today but I have school toorrow and I don't really care because school sucks but i will get my education so I can be a legal secretary. I'm very tired so I'm gonna go. Ok.

It was a sex dream. I still remember vague images of walls, and feelings. I was always falling in love with boys after I had dirty dreams about them. I had a hard time seperating love and horny.

Saturday, January 23, 1993

January 23, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello last night kids in the hall was awesome. I love David again. I also love Bruce, Mark and Kevin they're all cute as hell even Scott. I'll write more tonight.
Kevin was over today and I still don't love him. I love the Kids n the Hall & Rickey. I'm gonna go because I'm very tired. Bye

I think I was under the impression I couldn't be attracted to Scott because he was gay.

Friday, January 22, 1993

January 22, 1993

Dear Diary,
Hello, today Rickey talked to me but yesterday he moved his desk next to mine and my sleeve kept getting caught under his arm. I wish my body would get caught under his. I love him and I want him. I'm still going out with Kevin. Its almost 4 months but I don't love him. I love Rickey but today he only talked to me once. I love him and want him to love me too but I don't know how to make him. Kids in the hall is on tonight and its on in 10 m inutes so I'll go but first i'll tell you my parets bought me a stereo and I love it. Well I love Rickey a lot and I'll love him for a while I didnt get his eye color but I will.

This is one of my favorites. Such a cute little pervert I was.

Wednesday, January 20, 1993

January 20, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello today I realized I love Rickey. He made me smile then said I had cute dimples and all those nice things about me and then said if Kevin doesn't start taking you out I'll have too. It made me feel so good because usually all he does to girls is call them names and never show any affection. He has long blond hair, a very defined nose, lush lips and his eyes are nice. I'll find the color tomorrow. Bye.

Some would consider a defined nose to be a large nose. I consider it to be a nose with character. I like noses...I have to. *eyeroll*
This dude was suave!

Sunday, January 17, 1993

January 17, 1993

Dear Diary,
Hello I still love David Folley. I have to go to school tomoorrow but I hate school. Today I did nothing but lay around the house. I can't wait till summer when the coven will really be in the groove. I can go to the beach and get some stuff for the coven from there. Well I'm really tired because I was up till 5 o'clock last night and woke at 8 so Ill see ya tomorrow.

I never slept. I daydreamed all night.

Saturday, January 16, 1993

January 16, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello today I have a few private things to tell you.
1. I want to have violent passionate sex. Erotic sex. I want to feel pleasure from my head to my toes. I feel the need to let loose my inner self. Ill go for now see ya. (A note written in the margin says `What in the fuck was I thinking?' - March 94)
Just now I think Im crazy for saying that but its still true, because I do want to have sex, the nice kind at first then on my third time erotic sex. Bye.

I wonder why I chose the third time.
This is what I thought about, but in a bunch of entries I wrote that sex was gross and feeling horny was gross. I think that was the guilt. I slutted around with myself way too much to even pretend I didn't like it.

Friday, January 15, 1993

January 15, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello Kids in the hall was hilarious I loved it because I love David Folley. He`s so cute. In the back are 2 poems about him and all tBlockquotehe names of the kids n the hall and the times they`re on. Oh god David Folley is cute. I want to be with him right now so I`ll have to dream.

I hope I threw those poems out. I would hate to have to post them here.

Friday, January 8, 1993

January 8, 1993

Dear Diary,
Hello I got to see Kids N the Hall tonight and it was hilarious. It`s Friday and I`m glad because I love David Folley. Today was O.K. even though I want to get rid of Kevin more and more each day.
David Folley was so cute tonight. I just wanted to jump through the screen and grab him and kiss him. Oh god I have to dream of him. Goodbye.
I was more of a swooner than a giggler. Today I am a combination of both. The swooning can be hidden, the giggling escapes and causes a lot of embarrassment.

Thursday, January 7, 1993

January 7, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello today I was sick. I had a migraine headache and I couldn`t raise my head or I would collapse of exhaustion. I had that headache since Sunday but it got really bad last night and Today. Well its gone now thank god but I guess Ill get another one this weekend. I still love David folley but I can`t see him till tomorrow night. I can`t wait. Ill see ya tomorrow. Ok. Goodbye.

I once counted the days I spent in bed with a migraine. I averaged it out to about once every month or so and then multiplied that by the amount of months an average female would live. I will waste about 3 years of my life rolling around in bed in pain. That pissed me off.

Wednesday, January 6, 1993

January 6, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello today I found someone else I like. His name is craig. I forgot his last name but I love his hair. Its Witch hair. That means it doesn`t have one color. It can be Red, Brown, Blond, or even close to black all in once, its really weird. Well Kevin doesn`t like me and I have to leave him because he`s tying me down. I feel bad for saying that but he`s changed. Bye.

Once upon a time I fell in love with a boy because of his hair color.

Tuesday, January 5, 1993

January 5, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello Kevin avoids me and I haven't had the courage to tell hm. I don't know what to do.
Well I did good on 2 exams, excellent on 3 and poor on one, my math because I got 50%.
I love David Folley and I can't wait to see his show on Friday. it will be so cool because Ill miss him so much.

It's amazing the difference it can make when you get a good math teacher. You can go from 50's to 90's, and still remain boy obsessed all you want.

Monday, January 4, 1993

January 4, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello today I bought my book for my circle info and I have to copy it all into it. I had an okay time in school today but I want to dump kevin. I just can't do it because I feel bad but I'm draggin my life down the drain. Ill try to do it tomorrow. Well Ill see ya later. Bye.

I got restless, this happens a lot.

Sunday, January 3, 1993

January 3rd, 1993

Dear Diary,
Hello, today I completed putting my notes in order for my book of shadows. On Saturday Ill have the whole thing done. I have 3 crystals so far 2 amethests and one moonstone. Mom is letting me wear her blue lace so thats good. I have school tomorrow so I'm not going to write too much tonight but I'm going to tell you this I'm really nervous about school. Its like my first day but I've been there all this year. I love Davy still I haven't seen Kevin in a long time but I don't really miss him like I used too. I want to dream of Davy so Ill go for tonight. See ya tomorrow. Bye.

Just in case you didn't notice, it's been a week max since the diary entry where I was so in love with Kevin and he invited me to the New Years party. Dave Foley is that powerful.

Saturday, January 2, 1993

January 2, 1993

Dear Journal,
Hello I havent seen my coven members in a long time but I have been saving for all our equipment like the Master Tools. So far I have 20 dollars for the Diadem, 10 dollars for the Bracelet, and 5 for the Garter. They'll each cost about 300 but its worth it. I only have 4$ for crystals and herbs but that will add up fast. I only have 1$ for candles, incense, etc. but that will add up quick too. Well I'm coming along well with my Book of Shadows and I trully feel Witchy now.
Well Kids in the Hall wasn't on tonight but Ill see it on the weekdays. God I love David Folley. Well Ill go now because I don't want to use my diary too soon.

Witchy Woman! Etc.

Friday, January 1, 1993

January 1, 1993 - 2

Dear Journal,
Hello I'm back it may look like the same day but last night I got home late. I didn't get to watch Kids in the Hall tonight but I did last night and it was hilarious. I love David Folley and I want to meet him so bad. I feel love for him in my bones and in my heart, in my eyes when I see him even in my ears when I hear him. I truly do love him. Something I forgot to tell you yesterday is I am a Witch. I belong to a coven and I am the leader. We don't really pay much attention to the fact that were witches. I do but the other members don't. They're are supposed to be 12 of us but so far I only have four. Jesse my brother, Kevin my friend and boyfriend, Steven my friend, and myself.
Don't worry we don't kill people we just use the four elements for power.
The elements earth, air, fire and water have a lot of power for witches to use. I can't tell you anymore because its all in my book of shadows. One thing I can tell you more about is Dave Folley. I can talk of him until my lips shrivel and burn from the friction of how fast and how much I talk of him. I haven't told anyone and I won't either but I talk to myself about him. I remember his eyes so blue like you feel like your swimming when you look in them. I love him and I will go now so I can dream of him. Ill see you tomorrow. O.K.

Dave Foley has not aged well.

January 1, 1993

Holy fuck this gets even more embarrassing. I don't even know how I manage to do it but I get worse! I guess it's easier to love a fake person on TV who I never have to react to. I joke about this now that I'm older. I pretend to have these kinds of obsessions...I don't think I was joking back then. ick. I don't remember being this stupid when I was 14!

Dear Journal,
Hello you are the only person I tell my real big secrets to so that's why I still have you and Ill be 15 on my next birthday. Usually I haven't been completly honest with my other Diaries but now I will be and I have written that I loved Kevin Arseneau in my other Diary but it has changed because I don't love him anymore he has changed and so have I. I fell in love with someone else that someone else is a comedian and he has his own T.V. show, that someone else is also canadian he lives in Saskatchewan his name is David Folley. Usually he's called Davy. He's off the show "Kids in the hall" I love that show. Its so awesome. I love Davy mostly when I see his face I smile from ear to ear. He's my now true love. I have a dream and one day I will try to make that dream come true. That dream is to meet Davy and become his best friend than his lover. I will make it come true. I swear. I will try. If I still love him.
Well its a new year and I'm tired because I just got home from babysitting. I got 4 dollars an hour for 5 hours. I now have 20 dollars and that makes 30 dollars to go in the bank for my education and my trip to Saskatchewan.
Well I'm going to go but I want to let you know that i think you will have some vital info in you this year.
Well I love David Folley and am going to Dream of him so I say to you Ill see you in the morning.
Oh one more thing about me i always find something to fill the pages that have lines left over. Bye.

At least I said "If I still love him". I'm starting to question myself which can be a good thing sometimes.