Monday, November 30, 1992

November 30, 1992

Dear Diary,

Hello life sucks. I'm so ugly its not funny. Everything sucks. I am so suicidle its not funny. Well Bye


Thursday, November 26, 1992

November 26, 1992

Dear Diary,
Helli I miss Kevin and I love him so much. All I want to do is be with him. All I ever want to do is be with him. Well anyway. he asked me to go to the movies with him tomorrow. I don't know. I don't want to go because i hate the people he's going with. But I love him and I don't want to let him down. Oh well Ill go if he mentions it again. Bye.

I love you! I love you! Now keep your distance!

I think we went to see Underseige. Steven Seagull's movie. I spelled that wrong on purpose btw.

Monday, November 23, 1992

November 23, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello today me and Jesse, Kevin and Steven were on Moms Hide a bed and I was on my Side and Kevin was on his right up agains me caressing me and so on. We couldn't have been any closer unless we were making love. I hope we stay together forever. i love him so much I want this week to fly by so I can see him again.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the term "Making Love". Blech!

Thursday, November 19, 1992

November 19, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello I haven't seen kevin in so long its not funny. I miss him. I want to have him here forever and never miss him ever. I want to marry that guy and Ill try my hardest to do so. I swear. I miss him so much. He's going to ask me to the movies. jesse told me. I wish he know how much I love him. I have to go now so Ill see ya tomorrow when live becomes better because Ill get to see Kevin.

Jesus, this is getting pathetic.

Wednesday, November 18, 1992

November 18, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello Sorry I haven't written in a while I'm just too tired. Here I am at 6pm and Im going to bed. I can barely keep my eyes open.
Well anyway lately Kevin and me haven't spoken much. Its been a week and I mean only today have I spoken to him and I want to see him so bad its not funny. I love him. I want to be with him now. Im so sad i miss him so much but he seems to not like me. Im gonna go now okay. Bye

I wonder if this was the mono I constantly had, or the depression that was starting to really kick in around this point?

Thursday, November 12, 1992

November 12, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello life sucks I havent been to school for 3 days just for the hell of it. Kevin thinks Im mad at him. I thought he was mad at me. Well I have to settle this. Well anyway tomorrow Im going to go see Dracula at the theatre and Im going wtih Holly. I wish or I hope I can ask Kevin to come with me. Well on to the next subject.
Well actually to tell you the truth there is no other subject but here I am writing away in my bed but I wish Kevin was here then I would have lots of subjects.
Yeah, Yeah I know Red & Pink Clash but hey life clashes right. Oh my god. I think Im going crazy...Yup I have a fever Oh No Maybe its the Red & Pink. I'll change.
Oooh Yeah add a little orange cool eh. No? Oh we must have different tastes. So I must find a good subject to write about lets see....Oh I know one.
My favorite show was on last night and Dizzy married his girlfriend. Hope and JD are almost going out there just seeing each other. Well any way What else is there to say?
Can you see this color because I barely can. What a dumb color to make a pen. Yellow. Oh well Ill change so you can see what I'm writing. Here goes, Right now.
Yup Now Im green. Well I love kevin and Never want to be without him thats all I have to say so Im gonna go now ok. Bye from a friend forever and always.
p.s. Ending in plain old normal dull etc Blue for you satisfaction.

Wow. Spent too much time staring at my bedroom wall or something.

Wednesday, November 11, 1992

November 11, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello Kevin doesn't love me I think. Maybe he only likes me. Then theres other times I think maybe were only going out because he knows sooner or later hell get sex from me. Well I don't know Ill see ya tonight.

Sorry i didn't come back that night.

So there it is. The beginning of all my adult fears about love.

Sunday, November 8, 1992

November 8, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello today I went to Kevins & me, jesse, Pattie, and Kevin played pool in the barn it was fun. I won everytime but twice and thats a ratio of 2:10. Pretty cool eh!
Well anyway I love Kevin and Ill see him Friday thats when Ill give him our anniversary poem. Well I'm gonna go now so goodbye ok.
OOOh grade 9 math! I wonder if I was correct.

Saturday, November 7, 1992

November 7, 1992

Publish Post
Dear Diary,
Hello its mine and Kevins 1 month Anniversary. Oh God I love him. I don't need any of the stuff I wrote on the fifth. Only what I have now him to be here. I have to find something to give to him for our anniversary. I know. Ill give him a poem. Ill write it now. Bye.
p.s. Screw those other pricks Kevin is the only one Ill ever love.

This calls for a LOL. Just when I think it can't get any better.
I can only imagine what that poem was.

Thursday, November 5, 1992

November 5, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello today was alright John Rice loves me. Well he says its love but I don't know. Then Kevin Fisher says he wants to go out with me. He had his head on my shoulder almost kissing my lips let alone my neck. But even though I barely ever see Kevin now and it tempted me real bad to kiss both of them. I didn't. Why?
Most girls would say I was nuts since John is one of the best kissers in my school. But I love kevin. He didn't call tonight and our love is getting boring. I want him to touch me more but I don't even see him during weekdays. Its like Jeckel and Hyde. On weekdays Im going nuts like Hyde (Jeckle?) trying to stay normal from not having his love then on weekends I'm like Hyde normal because he is kissing and touching. I want it to be better I want it to be touching extra better wilder touching and kissing passionate sexfull (?) loving kisses.
I need more spice to keep me alive. I get to see him tomorrow its Friday but he usually only touches me on Saturday. See what I mean its like he picks one day of the week to love me. I mean I know its not on purpose but "I need more spice" I get to see him tomorrow like I said and Ill make moves on him and drag himm off alone so maybe he'll love me and touch me in public. Well Bye.

Spice goddamnit! This dish is boring add more spice!
I don't get the Jeckle and Hyde logic.
I'm going to write a song called "He only touches me on Saturdays". A real heart breaker. It will be like Friday I'm in love, but sexier.
Man I regret not kissing those other boys now. Best kisser in the school for christ sakes and I gave it up!

Wednesday, November 4, 1992

November 4, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello today Kevin called me again. We talked a long time. I love him. My favorite show was on and It reminded me so much of me & Kevin. I love him and I want to be wtih him right now. I have to go because I want to dream of having his baby and marrying him. Bye

I love him.I love him.I love him.Babies.I love him.Weddings.I love him.I love him.Sex.I love him.I love him.Kissing.I love him.I love him.I love him.I love him.I love him.I love him.I love him.

Monday, November 2, 1992

November 3, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello how are you. After school today Kevin called me. We talked for about an hour about everything that happened in our day. I love him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to have his children. Yup I really do. Well my favorite show is the heights and now my favorite song from that favorite show is on the Radio. Can you follow that?

Can you follow anything I write?
I remember loving that song so much. "How do you talk to an angel" was the name of it. I looked it up recently and it's fucking terrible. It doesn't even have that "This is one of those songs I loved as a kid" novelty. It just plain blows.

November 2, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello today I stayed for lunch at school and I was kind of with kevin and Tina Frasher kissed him on the neck it pissed me off. I hate her. Kevin didn't even move when she left he pretended it was eating thru his skin. But he only did it because he knew I was mad. I love him and all day I've felt dumb about not doing something to Tina.
Ah, ha, ha, ha. That girl would have kicked my ass!

Sunday, November 1, 1992

November 1, 1992

Dear Diary,
Hello today me and Kevin were alright together but not like I hoped since I wont see him for another week. I love him.
Today I lost a book in his yard. It had all these idea's for poems in it. Its going to be so embarassing when he finds it. Ill have to go get it tomorrow. Well Bye
I used to carry a little notebook in my back pocket. I think it fell out when I was climbing the fence. Yeah then his dad found it. So that's why I still can't look his dad in the eye.
His parents knew our whole fucking relationship I think. He found out I like him because a sheet of paper blew into his yard and his mom found it. I was doodling in my yard one day and I guess one got away. It said JM loves KA on she told him and showed it to him. Shortly after that he asked me out. I thought he asked me out because of a spell I did. I took an apple from the tree in my yard, cut it in half, took a sewing needle put it in the middle of the two pieces. Then I bound the whole thing with twine and hung it back in the tree. There were some words, but I don't remember them now. I think I may have explained this already...maybe not.