Thursday, January 24, 1991

January 24, 91

Dear Diary,
Today Im going to write my heart out like in the book I read about the summer & all of that stuff. So here I go.
Well today I went to school & I get the feeling no one likes me like when I go to gym thats when the feeling comes. Any way I lost my voice & came home.
Well Im tired but tomorrow I promise Ill write my heart out about John & poetry & books & friends & especially Tony. Well Bye.

And so begins the paranoia that comes from the depression. This is the beginning of my seperation from the rest of the world right here.

Sunday, January 20, 1991

January 20, 91

Dear Diary,
Today me and Rachel heard voices again they are gone now. Well any way when Rachel went home I talked to her since 1:00 till 10:00 then her mom came home and She got in trouble. Well Bye.

Honestly...we made it up.
For some reason i started signing my entries as Genvieve. Which is a french version of my name I think. Rachel was french, so since we were twins, I guess that automatically made me french.

Saturday, January 19, 1991

January 19, 91

Dear Diary,
Today Me & Rachel kept hearing voices saying that we were adopted adn that we were twins that we had one brother and 6 sisters. It was really weird they also said our parents names were John & Kelly. They live in Springhill.. Well any way Bye.

I swear to god I wasn't crazy. I was just making it up. I assume she was as well. I think it all started when she was spending the night and we heard a noise. It sounded like talking so we tried to figure out what it said. Then we just started making shit up. I suppose I wrote it in my diary because I wanted it to be true, or maybe she was there while I was writing. I distinctly remember this though and I remember wondering if she was actually hearing things while I made stuff up.

Friday, January 18, 1991

January 18, 91

Dear Diary,
Today was the Y Dance John S. kept grabbing my ass and feeling me. Hes really nice but gross thats ok though. Well I better go. Bye
p.s. John told Rachel he likes me? I like him too?

Nice but gross. I find this entry weird because this took place in grade 7. In grade 5 and 6 I dated John a few times, yet here I don't mention that at all. I guess grade 7 is a whole other time. John failed grade 6 and so he went to a different school but still showed up at the Y dances.
I remember in grade 6 he used to go around grabbing all the girls asses. The other guys started getting into it as well. So I invented my own version of the game. Whenever they grabbed my ass I would grab their cock. Neither of us was supposed to like being grabbed, but I think secretly we all loved it, because it went on for the whole damn school year. I remember one of the older more mature girls trying to tell me how wrong the game was and that it wasn't making the guys stop grabbing our asses, and in fact it seemed to be making things worse. I was upset with her for almost blowing my cover.

Thursday, January 17, 1991

January 17, 09

Dear Diary,
today I saw Matthew S. hes at our school now. He has the sexyst body in the world. Well any way Ill tell you more tomorrow. Well Bye.

Oh my god. Can't you just feel the hormones raging through my veins?
I used to go see Matthew play baseball at the little league field. He knew me as "The Girl In The Milk Shirt". I remember one day I was late for a game because I was having dinner at my grandmothers house. On the way there we passed another car and I thought I saw him in the front seat. I assumed I was hallucinating because I wanted to see him so badly (and he was supposed to be at the field). When I got there my friend told me he had been hit with a ball and was taken to the hospital. It was a real dramafest for the rest of the game.

Wednesday, January 16, 1991

Jan 16, 91

Dear Diary,
Today Me & Rachel went to school & then I gave her a note that talked about how much I like her. Then about the war in Iraq there going to blow up the whole world in World War three. So I hate them. Well Bye.

I wonder who I hated. I don' t remember being on any side, maybe because I didn't know I was "supposed" to pick a side. I remember seeing a bunch of planes flying over Rachels trailer one night and we thought we were going to get blown up. We ran, because apparently that works when bombs are being dropped from the sky.

Tuesday, January 15, 1991

January 15, 91

Dear Diary,
Today me & Rachel went to the mall with mom & we decided Id get all eight Christopher Pike books & she'd get all seven R.L. Stine books. To be the same of course just like our clothes.
When my hair grows shouldr length Rachel is cutting hers. Ill get a perm to be the same of course. Well Bye

Oh good god. This is around the time we started referring to each other as Twinny.
Poor Rachel. She got the shitty end of that book deal. Not only did R.L. Stine write way more books than Christopher Pike, but they were terrible compared. I preferred Christopher Pike because his characters actually had dirty thoughts. Some of them had even had actual sex! They were more realistic to me. Even the girls liked to get down, and didn't feel guilty about it. R.L. Stine didn't focus enough on his character development and his scary stuff wasn't very scary at all. I still regret selling all my childhood books on ebay. I ended up buying all the R.L. Stine, Christopher Pike, Babysitters Club (and even the spin offs), Sweet Valley High (and the spin offs). There were hundreds of them. I cut my book collection in half when I sold them, and I still have three double stacked book shelves.
Still, I wish I hadn't sold them.

Monday, January 14, 1991

January 14, 91

Hello Friend,
Im at Jills & Im going to read you. Sorry its a Nescisity. Well Bye till tonight.
Hi I had fun reading you. Well any way Me & Rachel got the same clothes at Marks work warehouse today & were going to wear them to the Y Dance cool eh.
I wonder what Tony will think. Well Bye

Tony doesn't give a shit, he's probably got a remote control car to obsess over. Why do you think he hasn't called? Fool Girl.
I remember those outfits, dark green MWWH sweat shirts and a pair of blue jeans. We used to wear them on the same day all the time. Rachel had a stain on hers from where she wiped her mousse off of her hands. I don't think she ever washed them. She wanted them to stay new so we could continue to wear the same outfit all the time. God forbid we buy new ones.
I can't believe I read all the snotty things I wrote to my friends and they still wanted to be friends. They must have had some terrible stuff in their diaries too in order to be so forgiving.

Thursday, January 3, 1991

January 3, 91

Dear Diary,
Hello how are you Im fine. School sucked. Like always i really hate it.
Well anyway Joan call's me now. SHe's stephanies friend & shes chucks friend. Well any way I think I'll go now o.k.

So remember Jeremey. The kid who called me because we had the same phone number. Well chuck was his friend. Apparently they passed my name all around Springhill. Everyone started to call me, I talked to them all. Luckily Springhill is a very small town or my parents would have killed me for being on the phone all the time.

Wednesday, January 2, 1991

January 2, 91

Dear Diary,
Hi, I'm madly in love with Tony & I have to get him back. I almost cried when anyone mentioned him today. I feel like flying over the town Know how I feel? Jill does with Corey.
That look he gave me really scared me today & every other day I think of it & it was in the mall too. Its really scarey!
I'll try to be happy from now on o.k. its sad though!
Those marks up top are from this pen its leaky. This book is hard to write in now because everything I write is sad!
EEEEEEk! School tomorrow I really hate it. Ill have to face everyone I know. Its hard to go back to that hell hole. So any way I think Ill go o.k.
Well Bye!

Oh for god sakes get over it! He gave you an angry look. Big Deal.
I like that it was worse because it happened at the mall, the precious mall. Ha ha.
I have no idea if "flying over the town" was supposed to be a good or bad thing.
I can't believe how obsessed I am with pens and ink. I think I keep mentioning it because all my friends had nice writing and I couldn't help but make a scratchy mess all the time.

Tuesday, January 1, 1991

January 1, 1991

Dear Diary,
Last night Mom was in Springhill for the hole day. I might now she says "the car broke down". Yeah right. So shes staying again she hasnt been home for 5 days.
School is in 1 Day its on the 3. Oh I hate it. Well any way its betterh than being home.
Tony still hasn't talked to me. I really miss him this sounds corney but its true.
I got all junk inmy stocking too. Not to be ungreatful but its true. Same as Xmas. So anyway Im bored as hell! I forgot Timmy downstairs & my heart is broken.
Mom is never home & Im left with Dad, Jason, Jesse, Mike, Ronnie, Chris, Rickey, Jonathan & some other person I dont even know. I wonder why I didn't fit in.
Jesse is such a brat he tells mom that I was bugging him so I get in trouble. I didn't do a thing. Oh I hate him!
"You don't have to get down on your knees.
You don't have to holler please please
to a little tin god!"
I love that song Tin God. Its nice to sing too.
I want to fill these pink pages so ill blab on is that O.k with you
Ok I thought it would be. i have to write a letter to me from kevin. Then show Rachel. Ill do that tonight. I think its cool. Don't you that I can change my writing any way I want to. Ill say stuf fin the letter like how much he likes me & all that. So shell think there really great!
I can't help thinking about how Tony looked at me in the mall it scared me!
This pen is starting to lea. I never write real personal stuff in this because I know some day one of Jesses friends will find it so if that friend can stand this boring thing till now heres to him!
Kiss My F_C_IN
So there kiss my fucken ass guys or guy or whatever you are.
So anyway diary heres back to you "Cheers". To what I have no idea. I ll make a toast!
"To all the suckey fucken times in this life! Like boyfriends who hate your guts and bitches for friends. Heres to you my suckey fucken life"
Well Diary Im on the last pink page so I should go now O.K. Bye
p.s. Tell someone elses diary or should I say Jills to tell Jill we have to write our letters.
Jinkies! If I didn't know me now I'd be scared about how I would turn out.
I giggled at the Don Henley song quote though. That was something my mom or dad listened to all the time.
I think this is where all the schemes that caused me to stop hanging out with my friends started. Little games like writing pretend letters to make one friend jealous, kicking a friend out of the clique for a few weeks, etc, etc, etc. I didn't like it when my turn came around but I guess I dished out enough of it to deserve some myself.