Monday, December 31, 1990

December 31, 1990

Dear Diary,
I lost my favorite pen. *points to previous page* That one. Well any way tomorrow is a New Year.
yes I found it no I didn't well any way heres my day.
I woke up at nine o'clock then fell asleep again. Then I woke up at one & went down stairs. Oh Nine One One is a Joke is on. Well any way then I played Nintendo with Mike K & Rickey R & Jesse.
Now Get up is on I love that song even though its old. Now Escapade.
Well any way Oh Now Vogue. Ill name all the good songs on this thing. Ok lets go. Not all good ones but the songs.
1. Vogue 2. All around the world 3. Close to You (sick video) 4. Ice Ice Baby (Yes. He's really really cute)
Now 5. Grove is in the heart 6. Everybody, Everybody (don't ask) 7. Can't Touch This 8. The Power
1. Gonna make you sweat (Don't ask I have no idea)
2. I'll do for you (Father MC)
3. Back to Reality (Intelligent H???)
4. Knockin Boots (Candy Man)
5. Steppin Into the house
6. Its over (Don't ask)
7. What ever makes you happy

Oh yes guess what I just found my favorite pen.
Well here we go again Ill tell you the songs.
1. I wanna know whats on your mind
2. Round & Round
3. Liberty (Kon Kan)
4. Blame it on the boogie (The Jackson five)
5. Dont stop till you get enough (M.J.)
6. Centipede (Rebbie J)
Here we go to fire the Rifle. Oh one more song I wanna be the one (Stevie B.)
1. Ladies First
2. COme into my house
3. Gimme some kind of sign
4. Its too late
5. Little Walter (Tony, Toni, Tone)
6. Feels good

1. She sells sanctuary
2. Love Removel machine
3. Dub (?) be Good to me
4. wont talk about it
5. Tell me when the fever ended (Exibition Number One)
6. Talking with myself
7. Just keep Rockin
8. Rebel Music
9. Get on this people
10. Dance till your boogies delight (Jackson 5)

Well I'm back Ill tell you more of those later. Its 1:00
Jill called & said happy New Year hope our stockings are filled really well.

1. Love is in control

Well I'll write here o.k. So hows life. Its New years oops the dates wrong its now Jan 1/91
Well I gotta go o.k. Bye
p.s. Happy New year Diary I Love You

This was my most memorable New Years as a kid. In fact it`s the only one I remember that took place while I was still in school. I was allowed to stay up late and watch the Much Music best songs of the decade (or something like that). I don't remember firing the rifle. I just remember my little brother and I were allowed to sleep in my older brother's room (because he had a TV) and I remember rushing to get the titles of all the songs written down before they were taken off the screen.
My music related ADD may have begun here. I just ended up giving in to it. Now I just give in to it no matter what, I know there is no fighting it. If there is music playing and I`m enjoying it at all, I have no idea what else is going on around me.
I no longer have an obsession with pens. I used to love the way certain pens felt as they smoothly glided across the paper. That stopped about 5 years ago because my hands get too cramped now to enjoy writing things out. Sometimes I`ll scribble the ink out of a pen just to get that feeling again.
Remember when Vanilla Ice was hot? Neither do I. I do remember having a sex dream about him though. He climbed in my bedroom window and we took it from there. It was before I ever saw that "Cool as Ice" movie yet it was basically the exact scene from the movie but a little dirtier. That freaked me out for a while after I finally saw the movie about 7 years later.
Oh and to clarify the thing about the stockings being full. My family doesn't do stockings on xmas. Baby New Years fills them, so we basically get two present days. Which is cool.

Sunday, December 30, 1990

December 30, 1990

Dear Diary,
Hi its me sorry again. Its been 28 days since we've last talked. I got a magic nursery baby & its now my most valued treasure.
My parents are divorcing. Its probably going to be in February. I'm going to live with my mom.
Tony my now I think ex doesn't like me anymore. I really really love Tony more than anything but I seem to be just another whore to him. I've been going out with him for 35 days now. I really love him but he doesn't know yet so Ill have to tell him.
Well any lets get on to some happy news. This guy named Chuck called about three weeks ago. Hes nice! I now talk to him every night. Jeremy call again every once and a while. Thats happy news but I can't get my mind off Tony. Oh I really love him.
p.s. Christmas sucked but New Years is going to be nice! "I hope."

I burst out laughing at the "just another whore" comment. It confuses me that I still played with dolls yet thought this way about boys and "love".
Yet again with the divorcing parents. No wonder I'm so messed up. They were always going back and forth, over and over again. I don't know why they didn't just wait until they made up their friggen mind to actually tell us kids. They didn't actually end up separating for like 5 years and didn't get officially divorced for another 3 or 4. Crazy adults.
I think the most embarrassing part about these diaries is the fact that my punctuation has not really improved at all. Well it has but I'm lazy and when I get emotional I write so fast that I don't care what it looks like in the end. All I care about is that I get it all written down before I forget what I was going to say. Then I don't want to think about it any more so I don't reread it.

Friday, December 28, 1990

November 28, 1990

Dear Diary,
Today I had fun at scchool. Just kidding it was boring.
Well anyway I really love Tony Legere and Rachel really loves David Legere. Well Bye.

What a sense of humour I had back then. So clever.

Saturday, December 1, 1990

December 1, 1990

Dear Diary,
Hi I'm at Rachels and we talked to Tony on the phone. Lean on Me is on channel 21. I love it.
I don't think Tony likes me. I could tell by his voice when I talked to him on the phone. It makes me sad. yesterday I broke off with Jonathan but I still love him.
I also love Chris Partridge. He's really cute. I love Tony better though. Well Bye.

You know what else I remember? I remember that when I called Jon to break it off he sounded bored. He was playing with some remote control truck thing and his mom was yelling at him to get off the phone. I didn't mention that even in my diary because it was embarrassing at the time.
The thing I find embarrassing now is the crush on Chris. A while later I found out Chris was actually my cousin. His dad and my dad were step brothers. I had no idea. My parents never talked about it. I'm not sure why.
Poor me. Everything was falling apart in one day.

Thursday, November 29, 1990

November 29, 1990

Dear Diary,
Hi I'm talking to Rachel and listening to one of my favorite songs. Well I really love Tony and can't wait till Saturday. Its going to be fun swimming with him. Well Bye.

p.s. Doctors Signature

Repetitive and boring.

Monday, November 26, 1990

November 26, 1990

Dear Diary,
I talked tony at the Y Dance. Im talking to Ramond and Rachel. I'm writing a book and I like it. Its called Katlin its about me and my life. Well I really like Tony. Rachel likes David. Well I think anyway heres nick names
Tony - him
David - his
Jon - he
Timothy - whos
Well there mine and Rachels secrets so I better go Bye!

I think the nicknames were code for when Rachel and I wanted to talk about the guys but not reveal who we were talking about to anyone else.
I remember writing the book I referred to. After chapter one (something to do with making out in an elevator) it ended up being a book about vampires. Terrible of course but it kept me busy I guess.
Great now I have Aerosmith stuck in my head.

Sunday, November 25, 1990

November 25, 1990

Dear Diary,
Last Y Dance I met this gourgous guy name John O'brien & danced with him then went out with him but at this Y Dance......................he wasn't there & I was really sad until Rachel asked me to dance with Tony Leisure. So I did and then I did again and then he asked me out & I said yes then didn't know what to say to John. I danced with Tony 6 times and felt his hair each time. It's really soft and really nice. He smelled good too for being at a Y Dance. If you get my drift. Well we didn't talk much but we did lots of lovey things. Well anyway he asked me to go swimming Saturday but i had to go skating to tell Jon I dumped him but I didn't have the nerve. So I'll have to do it soon. Well Bye.

p.s. jill & corey are back together again.
p.s.s. Rachel loves tonys twin David
P.s.s. If she goes out with him it will be perfect.

SLUT! SLUT with a conscience!
I'm still hair obsessed. I wonder if this is where it started. I know I had other diaries before grade 7 but I must have thrown them out or burned them or something. It's too bad.
I don't know what I meant by smells good for being at a Y dance. Maybe it was sweaty in there or something.

Thursday, November 15, 1990

November 15, 1990

Cher Journal,
Je parle donne le telephone avec Kevin.
Rachel et une bitch. Et copy le quit(?) de moi. Cest une retarde.
Moi plus Jonathan O'brian
Mon gaauch droit amie cest une fele.
Moi ici. Donne le concert de Christmas mon parents trouve une divorce.
Est Jennell cest mon amie pour le caffeteria
Mike Mcdonald Jaime Jill. Nes pas, ow. Moi trouve 6 skin tickets. Oi ou Non.
Mon christmas (Noel et fake.
Je parle donne le telephone avec Jill heir soir et kevin aujourdui
Moi et Jill (Met) Danny donne our way (?) le store.

Hi Im back to english
Mike Mcdonald said in P.D.R. when the teacher said concentrate on your work. He said Id rather concentrate on Jill Ripley. yesterday I called John at Jills but he was at his friends the one with the red shirt at the Y Dance.
So then we called John Sharp & Jill talked to him about Jenelle. Well Bye

Wow! The french skills are nearly equal to the english skills. I'm cringing now...more so than before.
Notice how my parents getting a divorce only got one line. It was never a big deal to me. They didn't get a divorce until my last year in high school.
For those of you who don't know P.D.R. is "Personal Development and Relationships", which is Amherst's version of sex ed. Even though we were a hick town, and it had such a non sexual name, I got a better sexual education than anyone else I have ever spoken to who went to school in a different town/city. I'm sure Mike missed a few things, but I soaked it all up. It was my favorite course.

Monday, November 12, 1990

November 12, 1990

Dear Diary,
How are you Im fine. are you
Well I went swimming today & Kevin called. Well Bye

Exciting stuff right there.

Sunday, November 11, 1990

November 11, 1990

Hey Dude,
Hows life guess what Friday I got a man. He is so cute his name is John O'Brian. I danced with him and gave him 2 skin tickets.
I also dance with Kevin and he held my ass. I like him too. I called John twice and I didnt know what to say. Jill really likes corey because she told me last night. It was a really exciting weekend
guess what no school tomorrow
well I couldnt find your key so I broke the lock
P.S. I just got asked out by Kevin & am almost cring because I couldnt
Well I really like him but I really like John too. Bye
Dear Diary,
Hi How are ya again
Guess who just called me Kevin. I like him & John a really really lot. But i like them the same god just like this (an arrow points to beautiful art work on previous page) I don't know which Well Bye

The art work is exceptional. Two hearts attached by a chain, one says I love John, the other says I love Kevin. Then coming from the middle of that chain is another chain attached to a heart with a question mark in it. Oh the humanity. TWO boys! As you can see this decision made all the difference in my life today.
Beside John's heart it says "Best one I still like him July 10/91". I remember I thought it was a huge deal that his sisters name was Jennifer. It was meant to be as far as I was concerned. It would be so cool to have a sister in law with the exact same name as me!

Dear Diary,
Hi its me again
Kevin called again and kept saying why. As in Why wont you go out with me. Well Bye
Jennifer Megeney
P.S. Im supposed to call him back and its 10:45

Creepy. He just kept saying it over and over again, nothing else, until he requested I call him back.
I was probably supposed to be in bed but rushed to the phone before my parents heard it. I remember his mom used to get quite cranky when I called him in the first place, no wonder I was scared to call so late. Even today I still hate calling people after 9pm.

Friday, October 26, 1990

October 26, 1990

Dear Diary,
Today I went to the Y Dance.
I kept walking by Tony & David god they are the cutest guys I've ever seen.
They probably know I like them Because I walked by every second.
I also like John a lot. I gave him a skin ticket.
I also expect a call from Jeremy tomorrow he said he would come into town
Rachel is staying overnight Well Bye

Yup. Those were my flirting skills. Those are still my flirting skills. I was a little more ... sexual then of course. Skin tickets were the little tabs off of pop cans. You would give them to people you liked. You had to make sure to get it off without breaking the little circle part that attaches it to the can though. If it didn't have that on it you just wasted your money on a whole can of pop. Sometimes you would go home with pockets full of them after a Y Dance. I kept them all (pack rat that I am) until about grade 9 when I chucked a bunch of stuff in the garbage that reminded me of how uncool I was...compared to how cool I thought I was in grade 9.

Thursday, October 25, 1990

October 25, 1990

Dear Diary,
Jeremy called. Jill & Racheal went home. Mom got mad & said I had no friends & that they use me
Well Bye

Looking back I do not remember my mom being that cruel. I'm pretty sure I misinterpreted what she was saying.

Thursday, October 18, 1990

October 18, 1990

Dear Diary,
Hi Jill read us her diary today. She still likes corey a lot. this pen sucks just a sec.
O.K. well any way I hate my fucken jesus shitty sluty hour fucken bitch hellyen hell devil daughter of a bitch mother. I had to get that out anyway Im going to be a slut for halloween it wont make a difference & I wont have to change much.
We wrote what we hated about each other today & I wrote nice things because I didn't want to hurt any ones feelings but heres what I really hate about them.

Jill (Heart with BFA inside it, with an x through it)
1) When she gets mad
2) When she dances
3) Lots more

Rachel (same heart)
1) When she says she has a hole
2) When she acts like she knows it all
3) Lots more

They both said that I was selfish & showed off & flirted & didn't know how to say sorry.
What the fuck does Racheal think I said when I acidentaly triped her. Fuck you! They never say sorry to me when I hurt Racheal I said I was sorry three times & asked her if she was ok about 50.
Jesus christ Jills invited to a sleepover with some bitch called diana. Fuck what the hell am I Fucken Goddam well black.
Jesus doesnt even introduct us to her. Its as if we dont exist thats the thing I hate about Jill shes selfish with boys & friends.
I like Mike Macdonald.
(Scribbled at the bottom: "Jill gets all the good men" and a heart with "I love Mike" in it.)

Well now. Where to begin. I think I will first remark on the "black" comment. That was a common thing for my friends and I to say at that time. Luckily it no longer is. When I read that my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe I was that stupid. Even for a kid that is not something I ever remember saying. Now that I've read it, I remember saying it a lot. It was as common as "retarded" in our circle of friends.
My poor mother! I wonder what it was that she did. It was obviously something terrible and traumatizing.
I love that my halloween costume was just 'slut'. How simple. I also love the fact that I called myself a slut. I hadn't even kissed a boy yet.
Rachel saying she had a hole threw me off for a while. Then I remembered that she used to always refer to her house as a 'hole'. As in "hell hole". I thought she had the best house ever because they had chips and Vachon cakes. My mom never bought junk food in the grocery order.
I recently had a dream about Mike Macdonald. I haven't seen him since high school yet there he was. Weird.
This is just by far one of my favorite entries. This is actually the entry I think of every time I think back to my old diaries. I never remember the details. I just remember writing this and how angry I was.

Wednesday, October 17, 1990

October 17, 1990

Dear Diary
I just wrote Racheal a five page note & talked to her for an hour & a half.
Well Bye

A busy day.

Tuesday, October 9, 1990

October 9 and 10, 1990

Dear Diary,
I don't know what to write right now because I'm so confused. Its hard at my new school. Its also hard coping with everyday life. Im just passing every test by 1 point. Me and Jill are going to find a day when we make plans to ????. I don't know when though. I have to stay for lunch everyday just for money. God I'm confused. ?#%*(cloud)! <--Thats my feelings.
Well Bye From Jenn
P.S. I feel like I'm locked up and the keys on the other side of town.

Well lookie here at all the luxury problems. Looking back it was all so easy. My new school had all the same people as my old school. It was just in a different building. I was being dramatic. I always wanted to be the new kid. I did have terrible grades but that is because I spent all day staring at boys.
The lunch money thing went like this. If I stayed for lunch at school my grandmother would give me money. I never used this money to eat much (she gave me like 30 dollars a week). I spent most of the money at the mall or the store. It was one of many money scams I had growing up. I never needed an allowance because I was spoiled by my aunt and grandmother.
I can't believe I thought the other side of town was really that far away. How small the world is when we are young.

Dear Diary,
Today was boring. I joined a french club. It sucks but we get to cook & stuff. Well any way I hate school I really hate it. Well Bye From Jennifer Megeney
p.s. Jill always get the attention from the boys for 2 reasons her you knows & her looks I think shes ugly.

At the bottom is a heart with Jill written in it, a heart with Jenn written in it, and in the middle a heart with Rachel written in it. The Rachel heart originally said "Roach" because that was her nickname (She was french and people always pronounced her name "Ro-shell", instead of "Ra-shell" so that's where Roach came from.
We cooked crepes at the french club. I remember nothing but the crepes.
Yes, Jill had boobs the size mine are now when we were in grade 7. The boys loved it. She was also the coolest dresser. I obviously was quite jealous of my best friend.

Monday, October 8, 1990

October 8, 1990

Dear Diary,
This Friday i got a 51 on my math test.
And yesterday when me and Jill were going to her house a kitten followed.
We kept bringing it back. Then it started meyowing so I picked it up & patted it for a long time Then it finally left. It was really cute it was black.
Well Bye

The Kitten

It was fuzzy
It was furry
& it wasnt in a hurry
I want one so
Oh! I know!
I'm not aloud
but who cares
not me!

That grade of 51 on my math test would be the norm until I reach grade 11. Then for some reason I turned into a math whiz and got 90's in the advanced courses. See I didn't worry about it and it all turned out in the long run. ;)
This entry shows off my artistic abilities. The beautiful drawings and poetry that I am so well known for today all started right here. Beside my signature on page one is an arrow pointing to the poem and it says "Doesn't make sense". The girl in the picture is saying "This is the one" as she reaches for the kitty. At the bottom are the words "I want a kitten now or else"
Cats and boys, not much has changed..not much at all.

Or else what?

Wednesday, October 3, 1990

October 3, 1990

Dear Diary,
I'm sorry for two reasons
1) because Ive neglected you. I couldnt find your key.
2) because i scribbled all over you & went thrugh 4 pens.

Okay so yesterday night I was at school & for once in my life scott & jason were talking to me then I saw the guy I really like & Jill goes "Theres your honey Jenn". So then Scott & Jason told him. It was embarasing. He has braces & short hair.
The update on Jeremy is that I met him a long time ago at the mall hes cute too. Hes tall & has long blonde hair. Oh, la, la. him and Chris thats the other guys name are the two guys I like.
They're both very cute & both nice.
Jeremy calls me every night now.
Well Bye

I love that every entry just stops short with a "Well Bye". Again at the top it says: "He's a Piece".
This is the totally typical preteen girl diary entry right here. It has all the elements:
- Talking to the diary as though it's a person.
- Being ignored by the hot guys.
- Bitching about your female friend
- Crushes that you call love
- The heart with "J.M + C.M. +J.M. + J.P."
- Valley girl lingo.

This date is my brother's birthday. I guess I was too boy obsessed to even mention that in passing.
I still think braces are cute...although at this age not many people have them.

Wednesday, August 29, 1990

August 29 and 30, 1990

Dear Diary,
Today I finally got tight jeans with zippers and plane blue jeans that are tight and another Bart Ay Carumba. Its been a great day.
I saw corey, chris and a guy I don't know (Jeremy) but hes cute and I saw him 3 times. Know who I really like Tony & David Leisure. They are twins and theyre really cute theye Jills cousins & Johnathans too. Theyre too hot to handle. There a piece.
Jennifer Lynn Megeney

I guess it was important back then to have tight jeans. My grade 7 ass must have looked great in them. This is also the first mention of the skaters. That would become an ongoing issue from this entry until the middle of high school.

Dear Diary,
Today a guy named Jeremy called he said he liked me we talked for a long time and I found out I really like him too. He is very nice hes 11 and his number is 597-xxxx he lives in springhill he sounds really cute and hes really nice god i love him so much he is so so perfect. Like the twins hes too hot to handle too cold too hold.
Love Jennifer Megeney

WOW! So this dude got bored one day and decided to call his phone number but instead of dialing the 597 part he dialed the 3 digits that give you Amherst (667). It happened to be my phone number. I suppose it was fate, how else could I fall in love so fast with a complete stranger I had never met. At the top of the page it says "He's a piece" again. I'm sure I learned that from someone's big sister. The too hot to handle thing is from a song I believe. Probably something from Rap Traxx.

Tuesday, August 7, 1990

August 7 and August 14, 1990

Aug 7, 1990

Today was boring I watched more simpsons.

Underneath it says: "Blah I'm Stupid" and "This happened at the States"

Not much more to say about that entry. Sometimes I wrote stuff just to stay in the habit of writing. It made me look like I had a life.

Aug 14, 1990
Mom & Dad gave Kitty & Kitty Junior to the SPCA. God I hate them. The cats were my 2nd best friends. But of course Rossie & Friskie didn't have to go. No they were onlly the half bald ones from scratching.
Well Bye

Underneath it says: "But I like Rossie Best"

Yup. When we came back from the US of A the house was infested with fleas. My teenage brother was left home to take care of the place and apparently didn't do a very good job. I remember my brother and I building flea suits to sleep in the night we got home. My parents figured the best solution was to get rid of some of the animals. I never fully forgave them.
I thought Kitty and Kitty Junior were the most clever cat names around. Friskie was our other cat and Rossie was the dog. August 14, 1990 - Jennifer starts thinking about why animals are so disposable in this world.

Monday, August 6, 1990

August 6, 1990

Today i watched about 10 eposodes of the simpsons. They're great so is this new diary mom got me. I like Maggie and Bart they are the best. I just found out they're are 162 pages in this diary. I finally got to see Lost Boys everyone else saw it when it first came out. I think the first guy they kill is cute. He is also on Bill and Teds excelent adventure. He is so cute well bye.

At the top and bottom of the page is the name "Tony". A guy I dated for about 2 weeks. We met at a Y-Dance and danced that slow turn about dance. I fell in love...for a while.
The name "Bill" is circled with an arrow pointing to "That's who he is!". I guess I didn't know which one he played in the movie. Even back then I was terrible with names.

The inside front cover has some bubble letters that spell out "I Love Geoff White". You will find out about that later.
There is also a heart that says "JM + ? J.O. + GW + T.L." and "TLF".
And of course underneath that is the reminder to myself to not get too cocky. At least now I know my self esteem problems started early.
"So stupid no one would go out with me if they were paid."

Wednesday, August 1, 1990

Diary 1 - The Simpsons Diary

I don't know if you can read it, but written on the back it says:

"Aug-90 until July-91
A few Poems"